im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
