I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
And then my night got REAL pukey
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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