It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Randomize
