this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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