Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
