the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize