Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
