There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
