guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
