why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
