I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Randomize
