alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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