The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
