Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
