her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize