I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
