if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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