I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
