Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
