so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
This house was built for laser tag.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
