Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
