Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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