Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
