I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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