were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
