at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
