Where did you get a picture of my penis
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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