i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
