Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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