He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
try to milk me bitch
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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