I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
