All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
