So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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