1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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