using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
