I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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