I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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