I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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