and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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