I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
