its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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