I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
