He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
