how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
