K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
