You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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