Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
