There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize