So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
