I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
