If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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