i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
porn star boner night. come get it.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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