his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
