he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
