I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
