Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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