She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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