Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
