adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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