What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
