Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize