Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There r osticjed everywhere
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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