cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
