Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
