I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It all started with a game of naked twister.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
