cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
