then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
