Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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