remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
