oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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