I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
