I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
