Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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