My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
