I'm gonna have a badass scar
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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