Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
