so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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