Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
