Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
