My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
