I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
