if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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