summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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