watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
