well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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