so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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