There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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