Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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