I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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