i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Sext me about skeletons
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
