she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
