I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
