I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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