I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
