i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
