It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
