dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
last night I used snow as a chaser
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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