For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
