I got chris browned last night
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
