I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
