Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
